Men, Dance, and the American Culture Gap

Sep 20

Is it cool for a for a red-blooded American male to know how to dance? It may not always have been that way, but absolutely yes. In fact, the coolest guys know how to dance!

“You Like to Dance? You Must Be Gay?”

- - - - - - - - -

Early in my dancing days, I would either hear this question outright or experience interactions that clearly followed the same line of thinking:

“You like to dance? You must be gay.”

This was more than 30 years ago, and fortunately, I’d like to think we’ve made some progress since then. But just today, a friend and former student at our studio posted about how her son was the only boy dancing at his eighth-grade dance—and was then asked if he was gay.

First of all, I hope it wasn’t intended as an insult. Unfortunately, back in the ’90s, it usually was.

Even then, though, I never took it as an insult. I remember thinking, Wait… so you’re saying I’m a good dancer, I take care of myself, I dress well, and I’m comfortable enough with myself to get out on the dance floor?

I’ll take that.

And to be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. What bothered me was the assumption that being gay was somehow an insult—or that certain interests, hobbies, or ways of carrying yourself belonged exclusively to one sexual orientation.

I was perfectly happy being the guy who danced.

While some of the other guys at parties were standing around talking about sports, money, or cars, I was out on the dance floor having a great time with their girlfriends.

And honestly, I preferred it that way.

I’d much rather be tearing it up on the dance floor with fun, beautiful women to great music than standing around having conversations that were about as exciting as discussing the weather.

And when someone’s attitude was openly homophobic, that actually made it easy for me to decide who I didn’t want to spend time with.

Some things don’t change

In my personal experience, things have gotten dramatically better over the past three decades. I hope that means society has become more tolerant, inclusive, enlightened, and educated.

But there’s still no doubt that some people think a man who loves to dance is different.

Or, at the very least, it can make some guys uncomfortable.

About 12 years ago, one of my son’s teammates’ parents had a party at their home. It was filled with suburban families, of whom I either knew only casually from PTA functions or didn’t know at all.

As usual, the kids were off playing video games, the moms were gathered in the kitchen, and the dads were in the garage.

While hanging out with the dads, the inevitable question came around:

“So, what do you do?”

One by one, each dad shared his profession. The others responded with questions, comments, laughter, and stories of their own.

Then it was my turn.

“I’m a dance teacher.”

Silence.

Not regular silence.

Awkward silence.

A little shuffling. A few blank expressions. Suddenly, I felt like I had dropped a conversational grenade into the garage.

After what seemed like several minutes—but was probably only a few seconds—one of the dads awkwardly steered the conversation toward a completely different subject.

So, after a few minutes, I excused myself and wandered into the kitchen to chat with the moms.

What a difference.

When they found out I was a dance instructor, their faces lit up.

Their eyes got wide.

The questions started coming.

“What kind of dancing do you teach?”

“Do you teach salsa?”

“Do you teach swing?”

“I’ve always wanted to learn!”

One woman started excitedly started demonstrating moves she’d learned in her Zumba class.

Several asked for my contact information and said they were going to ask their husbands to take a class with them.

And if their husbands weren’t interested, they’d bring their girlfriends.

To the young dancers

To my friend’s son, who just had that disheartening experience at his eighth-grade dance:

Please don’t let someone else’s ignorance take away something you love.

And if someone asks whether you’re gay simply because you dance, you don’t owe them an explanation.

You can simply smile and keep dancing.

Because being a boy who enjoys dancing doesn’t make you unusual. It doesn’t make you less masculine. And it certainly doesn’t tell anyone anything about your sexual orientation, as if that mattered anyway.

It means you dance.

And that’s a pretty great thing.

Dancing is a lifelong skill that can literally—and figuratively—make you walk taller. You have a skill and a passion that not everyone has.

And I can promise you something else: if you stick with dance, you’re going to meet an incredible variety of people. You’ll make friendships, travel, experience different cultures, hear amazing music, and have experiences you never would have had otherwise.

Your life can be richer because you decided to dance.

And maybe things really are changing

There are many signs that give me hope.

Over the past several years, I feel like we’ve experienced something of a renaissance in social partner dancing.

Social media is filled with viral videos showing how cool dancing can look, how much fun it can be, how it can bring people together, and yes, how incredibly attractive and confident someone can look when they know how to move.

At MayI, our K–12 programs—especially our junior-high Fortnightly programs—are booking up with schools from the city and suburbs asking us to teach their students ballroom, salsa, swing, country dancing, and other partner dances.

Dancehalls and studios are overflowing with younger and younger people.

And increasingly, guys are dancing.

Even those awkward “I’m a dance teacher” conversations are happening less and less for me.

So maybe dancing really is becoming cool for everyone again.

Or maybe…I’m just hanging out with better people these days.

For Dance happenings in Chicago & Suburbs: Nino DiGiulio

For Dance happenings all over the US and Internationally: Nino DiGiulio

To connect with May I Have This Dance's full online presence, please click on:

https://campsite.bio/mihtd